It won't be pouring again
by Romanna
Summary: I love Ao Haru Ride. I find it very sweet and different from any other manga I have read so far. This is my interpretation of the kiss scene, which I thought a bit disappointing though. Being my first attempt in a language that is not mine, all your comments are more than welcome. Thank you
1. Chapter 1

He had kissed her and yet it had meant nothing. Of course, she had longed for it and dreamed about it all that time. They had been close to kissing in so many occasions that she couldn't help but think about it. And yet, it had not happened when it could have been right, when it would have made a difference, the beginning of something.

Painfully obvious, that way of kissing had been way far from the sweet and romantic scene she had imagined, where he should have confessed his full and unrelenting feelings for the love of his childhood.

Their first kiss... her first kiss had allegedly been an accident; their second kiss a revengeful claim of his ownership; their third kiss a boastful assertion of his manhood... and that was it. That was the end of everything. She couldn't believe it. She couldn't understand it. She had been rethinking about every single moment of that day, watching every single scene hundreds of times in her mind as if she were rewinding a movie, searching for hints that might throw lights on the chain of events taking them to that end, and still she couldn't understand.

When thinking about it, she got convinced that their first kiss wasn't any accident at all: he had not hit her cheek or nose, nor the corner of her mouth by chance, and he had not apologized as one would do right away in such a case. When his lips had touched hers, she had clearly felt a willful pressure. When he had reached her, after chasing her all the way along the school corridor, she had the feeling that he wanted to prove Touma was wrong, that their kiss did mean something and he was restating it. Then, the third time, it seemed as if he wanted to test her, see what her limits would be, if she had stayed with him no matter what he had done or said, because he wanted to, because he cared. And that kiss was sweet and demanding as well. Would it have been any different if she had not asked for his reasons? If she had not mentioned Narumi? Would he have confessed his love? She couldn't tell...

But then, letting her go without stopping her, after admitting that he had kissed her while being with another girl he didn't even like, made her doubt about everything, question all the time they had needed to get so close, so familiar with each other again. Had she imagined all the steps they had taken into building a new relationship, his furtive glances, his jealous bickering, his hugs and the tears shed? He was not her Kou! Did she really know him? Who was that stranger who had never missed every single occasion to hurt her: one moment she was in heaven and the next in hell. It had been like that with Kou since his return in her life. He would rescue her just to throw her in deeper despair.

The ultimate humiliation was that embrace: she could still feel the warmth of his lips on hers while he was there hugging her rival, the girl he pretended not to like, looking emotionless right into her eyes. How did he dare? Was he apologizing to Narumi or reassuring her about his choice?

She wanted to yell at him: " Kou, what are you doing? Don't you know I have been waiting for you for all these years? I have loved you for all these years. Please, Kou, please tell her that you feel the same way about me, that you want to be with me, that you cannot be by her side because we are meant to be together, we cannot separate now after searching for each other for so long.

She wanted to scream: "Do you understand what you are doing, Kou? The stars won't give us another chance. It won't be pouring again".

But she couldn't. She couldn't utter a sound. She couldn't even breathe. If Touma hadn't led her away, she would have remained there motionless waiting for rain in a drought.


	2. Chapter 2

_This is Kou's perspective or Kou's version, if you like, of "It will not be pouring again"._

_I am very grateful to the reviewers who asked for that. I hope you'll enjoy it._

It doesn't rain in the desert.

It was true: their first kiss had been an accident. He was simply bending over her to figure out why she was having chills. Was it because the pumpkin guy was dedicating his stupid music to her? How annoying!

Foutaba had been puzzled for the entire day and her expression at the concert was even more awkward. She had been absent minded as if she were pondering something. Was it because of Narumi's blatant familiarity with him? He knew that it could have been a problem, but Narumi was a close friend and, for many reasons, more than that.

Anyway, he had just tried to understand why Foutaba was shivering. And then, it had happened so rapidly - the light touch of her lips - so fast that he could have well imagined it if it had not been for her stunned expression and the blush on that pumpkin face.

He might have pretended it had not happened for a while, at least until he had cleared up his relationship with Narumi, but that Toma guy, or whatever that pumpink face was named, had intruded by telling HIS Foutaba that THEIR KISS didn't mean anything as if he knew better. How could he know?

Yeah, it had been an accident because he didn't want it to happen like that. He would have taken her to their shrine in a rainy afternoon or back to the clock tower after their first date. But even as an accident, their kissing was just natural, as inevitable as their belonging to each other, as their waiting for each other over the years, as their helping each other in one way or another after their reunion, their behaving as a couple before they had even realized to be one.

So, why was Foutaba avoiding him and running away as if his kiss had been stolen? What was that upset attitude of hers? Wasn't she the one who had chased after him in all his useless outings? wasn't she the one who had begged him not to quit school? "I want to be with Kou..." she had declared with tears in her eyes, in her innocent and shameless way...just as when, at the firework festival, she had asked him to stay with her a little longer and had thrown herself at him. He wished he had kissed her then.

So he couldn't let it go. He had to kiss her and prove that it wasn't a forgettable incident and that she was his. And just one more kiss wouldn't have been enough, not ten nor one hundred... he had to make up for all those missed opportunities, those inconclusive brush-ups and prolonged hugs and his stupid, fearful, hesitant, selfish dilly-dallying. He had to act now before she was stolen from him.

And he liked kissing her...it was as bitter-sweet as he had imagined. Her lips were plump and soft and inviting. He would have kept on kissing her, holding her, touching her for the entire evening, had she not shown that perplexed expression. Her indecisive look had nothing to do with her first kiss embarrassment. For a moment, he had the wicked impulse to grab and ravish her just as when, during the night he had escaped the study session at the library, she had nonchalantly lied on the grass next to him. But her sad expression cooled him off. She was there questioning his motives? She was doubting about his reasons? Had she not always confessed to trust him, only him over all the other guys?

And then the reality hit back. His commitment to Narumi - the girl who had stood by him in the days of despair when his mother was dying, the girl who had kept his hand at the funeral, who had cuddled him for months in those sleepless nights when life was unreasonable and unbearable. And even if it had been clear for both of them that it just was comfort sex and that it would not lead to any stable relationship, they started sharing that kind of connection that pain, loneliness and physical intimacy can create. Narumi deserved his help. She was dear to him, and he owed it to her. He wished he could explain that to Foutaba. But she was too innocent and straightforward to understand. She saw life in black and white - no shades of gray, no wavering.

He had to let Foutaba go. He knew it would be heartbreaking but he couldn't imagine how much until he saw her at the traffic light. She must have followed him while he was trying to reach Narumi. Seeing her forlorn expression, while he was comforting his friend, was excruciating. Only moments ago they had been so close, and now they were far apart again. Divided by deserts. And it never rains in the desert.


End file.
